Saturday, June 13, 2009

No, Really!

So I go into the Swan.
Get my pint of Theakston's, sit down at an empty table, and start sending a text.
So I hear the common spotted idiot going 'eh he' on my left, and there is this lanky, super-neat, super mid-fifties git, with his head twisted nearly off so he can glower at me over his shoulder.
I say, 'Shove it.' and go back to my text.
So this big, cowardly creep, keeps on going 'eh he'.
So I laugh and go 'eh he' in an exact mimicry of the cretin.
Eventually, his utterly plain wife joins him. He pretends he needs a menu, so he reaches over to my table with a thick, slowly-moving arm."Mind if I borrow this?"
"Sure, go ahead."
As he moves I go 'eh he' a couple more times.
Then he goes down the bar. As he does, I go 'eh he', behind his back.
Blow me if when he gets back, he doesn't turn his chair all the way round so his back is turned, then sit hunched as if he is about to burst into tears.
I mean, this piece of shit is what passes for a 'man' in England.
Fuck off. It's a bloody disgrace, an embarrassment. 60 going on 12. Pathetic.
Or as Johnny Cash said, in Fulsom Prison Blues, 'I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die...'

1 comment:

Sky Captain said...

Addendum- so this morning I park the car, walk down the street and the pavement is very narrow.
Often we just go in the road to give the person already there room, which I do.
So he goes 'eh-he' as we pass, trying to steal what he already got for free. Fucking little tosser. I wanted to belt him one, but instead I just mimicked him, than went 'I'm a big man, I made him walk in the road', then did a Tarzan cry.
Filthy little scumbag. Looked well to do also.