Monday, December 31, 2007

A Message From Our Sponsors

As we move into 2008, may we go forwards, not backwards, upwards, not downwards, and twirling twirling twirling all the while.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Benazir Bhutto

When I first saw Benazir Bhutto in a magazine, she was the beautiful, Oxford-educated future Prime-Minister of Pakistan.
She was murdered today.
Shame on the scum.
Pakistan should be sealed off and left to rot.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The Yeti-Penguin Game

I got to 265.9 yards on my second go.
Courtesy of Bogol.

Sunday, December 16, 2007


That we don't have East Germany to set an example any more.
Now we are all living in East Germany. And it is only a few private companies that are quietly holding out.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Y'Know What?

Tis the season to be merry.
So I got to the venue, the big luxury hotel where Hank Scorpio was feting us for Christmas.
There was a lovely choir of schoolchildren singing carols, and a bar for drinks.
They served us coloured champagne at the entrance.

I stood at the bar for fifteen minutes, trying to get a drink, but all the barrack-room suits got in first, because I'm new to the company and I didn't want to tell the cunts to stay out of my fucking way.
Eventually Big Al comes in with the Missus and gets me my drink.
He's okay.
Then dinner is announced.
I go and get my roast beef, and sit down, somewhat chaotically (no plan here), with some geezers and their girls.
The one guy goes on and on about how we should be wearing party hats because it's Christmas.
I eat up and fuck off back to the bar before I am tempted to tell the guy what to do with his party hats.
One more beer-they actually serve me this time.

I sit around sipping my beer.
The woman that suddenly started glad-eying me(after being extra-special-insular at work) disappears.
I'm left with half a beer and a mobile phone.

Ten minutes later I'm in a cab, having a cheerful chat about music with the cabbie, on the way back into town.
I make it back to my pad with just enough time to crack a Tetleys tinnie before Ugly Betty.

Best thing all night.

Like Beethoven and Jesus....

The Omega Man was black.(Or should that be BLACK?)
Meanwhile Charlton Heston(who is still alive) must be rolling his own.
Ammo, that is.

Thursday, December 13, 2007


Despite what I said about San Francisco by Christmas....
Despite the recent successes....

The fact remains that the war will go on.
I recieved a fat bonus; but the old accommodations still aren't signed off, and I don't get a full year's leave to play with until April.

But in May....I will be free.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I Want A Mistress....

For Christmas.

Why can't I have a girlfriend like this?

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Shit-Brown Dog.

From Wikipedia - The Brown Dog Riots. Apparently there used to be a scientific class, which actually engaged in militancy.
This counter-sentimentalism is the real reason Compulsion was introduced to what used to be education.
And where the author of the article abuses the word 'worker', you should read 'unemployed malcontent layabout'.

Friday, December 07, 2007

H.M.S. Thunderer.

The experience has also tried his Buddhist beliefs. “I hate the soldiers now,” he said through an interpreter. “I know I shouldn’t, but I do. Those who killed monks will go to the lowest depths of the Hells. They will not scare us into giving up, though. We are even more determined to continue our struggle against the military. We want peace, national reconciliation, lower prices and the release of political prisoners and Aung San Suu Kyi.

From The Times.

Lest We Forget.

Here's the rub.
Either we say that Burma is our concern, that Freedom is right, not just for us but for everybody, or we say that Burma is a faraway land with internal policies that do not affect us and are not our concern.

If the former, we will be accused of Western Culturo-centric bigotry and Imperialism.
If the latter, we will be accused or reneging on our international obligations and duties, and that we are callous and illiberal.
Damned if we do and damned if we don't, in other words.

But isn't it time we all saw through the irrational anti-decision which forbids us from saying 'either-or' and condemns us to the torrents of purefied, putrified 'guilt' that are directed from below?

The facts are always the opposite of what the conformal mainstream try to trick us with; the facts are as follows.
Burma is in the grip of a criminal conspiracy.
We have the right to end it by any means we see fit.
We have the right to pursue a policy of civil re-alignment in Burma until the conspiracy is eradicated.
In no sense are we obliged to do anything.
In no sense is it our duty to do anything, particularly as states, but if private individuals organise themselves to destroy the criminals, so much the better.

And if such individuals are pursued back to the West in the event of failure or revenge, then our states do have a duty to protect them.

And that is the truth, whatever the reality.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

This Just In....

The SBC Internet correspondent reports:
All over the country, indeed, the world, people running blogs on HaloScan, because they think, perhaps, that it is 'alternative', are waking up to find that their comments sections, normally a scene of thriving discourse, are static and stagnant.

It gets worse.

Anybody even trying to view a Haloscan-hosted site will be put on indefinite hold, and only by back-navigating from a subsequent site will they be able to view the blog in question.
And they still will not be able to leave any comments.

As one industry insider put it:
"What the fuck? The fucking haloscan sites are all fucking useless. What am I going to look at now?"

What indeed?
This has been your SBC correspondent, Roger Lootenant, currently in cyberspace.

Monday, December 03, 2007

You Can Watch It On The Internet.

This image came to us courtesy of UtterOutrage blog.

A Very British Disease.

A children's television programme (on the BBC, where else?) is on at about five pm Mondays.
It is called 'Beat The Boss', a title which tries to predispose the youngsters towards hating the boss, that person who is the one authority which actually does have the right to be.

Anyway, two teams of children get together with two teams of business people, and design a product.
The children take it all rather seriously, thinking as they tend to, that they will be allowed to make a difference.
The two teams came up with two very different toys, which the enthusiastic companies turned into prototypes.

At this point, in reality , they would allow the market place of people's desires and ambitions to decide the success of the products.
At this point, the children would discover freedom.

What do the televisors do?
Why, they decide that a panel-of-experts will decide which is the best.

You see the valuable lesson being taught here; experts are the real authority, appointed by, well, 'the real authority', to decide 'expertly' who is permitted to live.
Welcome to fascist Britain, Social Fascist Britain, where nobody is allowed to be free for to be free is to be an outcast.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

War of 1812 Anybody?

Hey ho.
Just leave the idiots to stew.

Star Wars- The Bunkum Menace.

In due course and due time, ITV1 had to start showing the 'Prequels' in their Sunday afternoon slot.
I decided to give them a look.
So along comes the 20th Century Fox fanfare.
Then a rather blank and tapped on quote from the original(Galaxy far far away etc.).
Then the wonderful music and the scrolling storyline.
It read like a Guardian editorial about Rwanda would, if the murderers had been Soviet.

It was pathetic, 'liberal-left' wet-dream propaganda.
The implication was that we need the State, to protect us from the armies of evil Capitalists, and the state must 'be strong'.
To this end, two Jedi knights are despatched to Mongo, where the 'trading bloc' is enforcing a blockade.

I mean, they didn't say much about the original plot, but you got it.
This time, they went into exhaustive detail and described a piss-poor story that lost my interest immediately.

We all knew and understood 'evil empire'.
We don't need some professor's conformal thesis.
You can shove it. Hope they don't mind wasting all that CGI.

Think about the effects, next time you see a mindless nine-year-old swishing and swooshing with a plastic light-sabre. What is he going to become if he cannot see through this tripe, and his parents trust it because they grew up on Star Wars?

Saturday, December 01, 2007


Hello and welcome to a new News Channel, the SBC.
We are a division of Third World News, with close links to Tinpot Alley Broadcasting and Banana Republic, the home of the smooth fruit Smoothie.
We hope you will enjoy our regular broadcasts from the verge of the Non-Event Horizon, London.
Thank you.

This Just In....

The British Government is to outlaw magic wands, asserting that licensing has failed as an effective control.
This is after a goblin was turned into Harriet Harman by Harry Potter, and then went on to accept £5000 in illegal donations on behalf of the Labourious Party.

As we now know, the real Harriet Harman 'complied fully with both the spirit and the letter of the law', as she said yesterday.
So that would be the proof that it was a goblin then.

The police are being advised that in order not to frighten the children, if they find one with a magic wand, they should shoot him seven times in the head, only if a silencer is available.

This is Derek Doylum, reporting for SBC News in London.