Call The Police!

To his fans he is the fifth Emergency Service.
Soon the first will be back, as he is going to reform 'The Police', the fabulous band of the 80's.

Discussing this with a relative, things became interesting.
Apparently, if Sting was a nationalised industry, he would weigh 30 stone, be unable to get off his bed and play crap tunes on a Vibrophone balanced on his enormous stomach.
He would need billions of pounds to keep on producing poor music, and everybody would always be talking about how he needed modernisation after years of neglect and underfunding, first under the Tories and now under New Labour; the money would disappear on consultancy fees, with barely an extra Big Mac to feed his huge belly.

Eventually he would be renamed 'Stigmata' and privatised.
Shortly afterwards he would go broke and get sold to the Chinese for £50, who would then sell his vital organs for aphrodisiacs and leave the dead body in a Music Museum in the midlands.